My experiment with Vipassana meditation.

The following article is a walkthrough of the insights and learning that occurred to me at the Vipassana meditation center.

I will divide this article into three parts. In the first part, I will cover the course of events that occurred at the Vipassana center, including the physical and mental ramifications I went through as the course progressed further. In the second part, I will try to delve into the theory binding together the practical conducted for ten days. And in the third part, I will share similarities between Vipassana and investing.

On day zero, all means of communication or entertainment viz; phones, laptops, reading and writing materials, even wallets and other belongings, were deposited and would be returned to us only on the last day of the course. Also, were asked to observe noble silence ( Arya Maun), i.e. not speaking or physically touching anybody for 10 days. Even talking through a hand, facial gestures, or eye contact was not allowed. A deliberate attempt is to be made not to kill even an insect for the next ten days. Everything from lodging and boarding is offered free of cost, not a penny is being charged for anything. Since you are under the shelter provided by donations from some faceless mass, you are eating food provided by them and sleeping on a bed also provided by the same faceless mass, throughout 10 days, you don’t have anything that you call your own ( barring clothes one has already handed over everything to authority there). The whole idea behind this exercise is to make you live like a Monk for 10 days. I thoroughly enjoyed my monkhood.

On the first day, we were asked to sit on crossed legs or in Padmasana with our spine and head in a straight line and observe each breath passing through our nostrils (known as Aanapan mediation). In my entire life, I have never meditated, nor did I sit down on the ground with crossed legs. I now have to sit for 12 hours a day, and that's also for the next ten consecutive days. It was a marathon of 10 days of meditation starting from 4.30 AM till 9.30 PM, which included 5 hours of breaks for bathing, washing clothes, eating, etc. a 1.5 hr lecture on Vipassana, leaving only 7 hours to sleep.

Before the course, I was so excited about Vipassana. I read, heard so much about this meditation technique, and also knew people who helped themselves immensely with this meditation and completely transformed. I did all the groundwork and sought information before joining because I did not want to waste ten days. But actually, what reality had to offer was something completely different from what I was expecting.

The first day was a nightmare and the days that followed were even worse. There was intense pain in the back and legs. And by the third day arrived, I couldn’t sit for even five minutes and had to change my postures repeatedly due to the unbearable pain. I went to the Acharyaji (teacher), requesting him to allow me to take a painkiller because I was unable to concentrate due to pain, and my entire motto of meditation and concentration got ruined. I thought I was wasting my time and inflicting pain on myself. I have assigned my mind a simple task to observe breathing, and I couldn’t even do the simple tasks. I was frustrated.

Acharyaji told me, “ Son, you are on the right path. Your pain signifies you are rightly doing what you are asked to do. The bigger the pain, the greater the realization that you are going to witness. Reacting to pain without filtering it through is what you have done your entire life”. To be honest, I didn’t get even a dime of what he told me then. He further told me this pain had less to do with your back muscles or legs but more to do with your mind.

To add more to the frustration, when I used to look at people around the meditation hall, I could see them sitting comfortably, meditating. There was this Sanyasiji/ Saaddhuji (Hindu monk) who I met while traveling to the Vipassana center. He told me he repeatedly visits the Himalayas for meditation. Since he had heard a lot about this meditation technique, he wanted to learn it. During the course, he was sitting beside me. He could easily clock 55 – 60 minutes without blinking an eye or moving an inch. And here I was, couldn’t sit for a minute. Initially, I set my target to 15 minutes, couldn’t do it, reduced it to 5 minutes, couldn’t do so, further reduced it to a minute, and later, further reduced it to a single breath. I was in disarray. I thought I was some nutcase who enrolled for this self-inflicting torture; I started doubting the course itself and myself. Here was my reasoning.

I thought Acharyaji (Guruji) was underplaying my muscular pain, and, in no way had it to do with my mind, as pointed out to me. I thought to myself that, due to my pain, I could barely concentrate and meditate. And I am mostly wasting my time and inflicting pain on myself. Since Sanyasiji regularly practices meditation, it is easier for him here. And regarding other students, my rationale was since some of them were repeaters (past students attending the course for the second time), it's easier for them, and other fresher students are most comfortable anatomically sitting cross-legged than me. Because when I observed their posture, their thighs were lower to the ground than mine, thus providing additional support from the ground. Like some are anatomically fit to run faster than others, I may not be anatomically fit to sit cross-legged. This is something I did my entire life, comparing myself with others, seeking solutions outside rather than looking inside.

I was pulling out all possible explanations possible to conclude what my mind wanted me to arrive at, most of them very far away from reality. Supplementing all possible explanations for the pain I was going through. Though I was aware of the fact that the Vipassana technique has transformed the lives of so many people, some repeaters come back to do these courses time and again. But the pain made me believe in the other way. It is the nature of the mind to seek answers outside and not to ponder inside us, thus, eluding us of real success, happiness, and peace all our lives.

In English Vipassana means insight. That is, seeing things as they are, without adding any mental flavors to them. On the fourth day, around the afternoon, we were introduced to the Vipassana technique, which is observing body sensations as they appear, without reacting to them.

Pain being one of the biggest forms of sensation, I started observing from neutrality, accepting pain as it is, and trying not to attach any feeling of aversion to pain or craving for pleasant sensations. I accepted them as it is. And what happened next changed my perspective on life completely.

As I started shifting my attention to exact pain points in the neck, back, and legs, one by one, the pain started disappearing. I was awestruck. Complete disbelief at what I was witnessing. I thought this couldn’t be possible. To prove a point, I even pinched myself in the leg as hard as I could to see if it hurt. As soon as I started observing pain caused by a pinch from neutrality without reacting to it, it disappeared too. I couldn’t comprehend what I was observing that day. This was Vipassana at its best.

I immediately ran to Acharyaji again (at his earliest convenience) and narrated to him what I had witnessed. To which he said, 'son, this is your Bhavnamaya Pragya (wisdom) which is your own experience. Earlier, during the evening lecture, you understood everything from an intellectual perspective, hence it was incomplete. Experiencing it on your own is the most important part'. He also cautioned me not to get carried away with emotion and attach any craving for this state as the pain might come haunting back again. Again his words went above my head, and I could not comprehend what he was hinting at. A detailed explanation of this is covered in the latter part of the blog.

Every alternate day there are question and answer sessions held where you can hear questions other people are asking and solutions offered by Acharyaji, for the same (Speaking to Acharyaji was only allowed). I learned that day nobody witnessed what I had experienced that day (although everyone experienced it later during the course). I thought I was nailing this, and others might be doing something wrong, which I am not. I thought, I now had the key to my physical suffering, and nobody could stop me from being in a state of no pain hereon, completely ignoring Acharya’s advice. A feeling of being invincible started creeping in; I started enjoying the phase of no bodily pain. No wonder I was destined to be doomed in days to follow.

On the fifth and sixth days, the pain came back with even more intensity and vigor, leaving me shattered, high, and dry. I couldn’t comprehend this phase either. Yes, when I tried to observe the pain again from neutrality, it would go for a while but would come back during the day as soon as I lost equilibrium in my mind. Another trick that my mind was playing with me.

During those days, there was one more concept called Adhisthana introduced to us. Adhisthana is nothing but a mental determination you make for yourself to sit and meditate without blinking an eye or moving your body, even a millimeter. When I heard it for the first time, I thought this was insane and next to impossible for me. Acharyaji asked us to at least give it a fair trial, and this exercise is not to inflict pain upon us but to make our mental determination and patience stronger.

I gave it a fair try. After every attempt, I used to watch my progress. The first attempt was 30 minutes, the second 40 minutes, and the third was 50 minutes. To your and my surprise, on the 8th day, I sat for 58 minutes, without blinking an eye or moving my body, even a millimeter, at par with Sanyasji; a feat which I thought was impossible for me. After experiencing this, my belief about what I thought my limits were, shattered to dust. I couldn’t believe what I believed was my limitations were nothing but just a mental barrier that I had created for myself, far away from reality. The 9th and 10th days were the easiest of all, and I was a completely different person from what I was before the day course began.

Now I will delve into the second part, i.e., the theory which explains the on and off behavior of my back, neck, and leg pain. The pain was a reaction to an attempt made to tame the mind. Let’s delve into the theory a bit deeper.

Our mind is a free spirit. It cannot tolerate the dominance of anyone over it. Over the years, it has evolved that way. And here I was at the meditation center, learning to tame my mind, which is akin to taming a wild elephant. It is bound to resist and try all the tricks from its book; divert my attention from the current task, and make me follow its orders. Orders given are often without a logical, rational basis, mostly inconsistent, irrational, and illogical.

The mind will do all it can to deviate you from the present task and take you either to the future or the past. The mind is like a river, always dynamic; keeping it static in one place is a pandemonium task. It can't tolerate superiority over it. Thus, we become slaves to the whims, fancies, and vicissitudes of the mind. I believe there is no limit to a concentrated mind. Mind serving as master brings pain and suffering, and we lose equanimity. When serving as a servant, one cut loose all barriers and shackles holding us back from achieving anything in life. Vipassana helps us tame our minds. Not an easy task at all. But persistence, patience, and the right technique will make it happen.

On the first day, when we were asked to observe the breath, my mind would wander off to some other thing or place within seconds. I would have to make a special attempt to bring back my mind to the present task which was observing my breath. After a while, you can see a pattern where a mind wanders. You will realize that mostly there are only two places it goes to, either in the future or in the past. Also, thoughts related to either the past or future either cause you pain or happiness. Thoughts of love, care, hope, calmness, amusement, thrill, success, and serenity bring us happiness, whereas thoughts of stress, fear, anxiety, regret, attachment, timelines, and loss bring us pain. We can observe that the pendulum of feelings is always oscillating between pleasant and unpleasant feelings. We can also observe that nothing is permanent, neither pleasant nor unpleasant feelings. They are bound to get generated and disappear in a while. But, when we experience unpleasant feelings, we create an aversion towards them and want to get rid of them as soon as possible (aversion) and when we experience pleasant pleasure, we want those feelings to last forever; we start craving for it. Both these forms of thoughts, when they arise, are neutral; it is just when the mind reacts to it that makes us feel pleasant or unpleasant.

God has provided us with six senses to understand the outer world around us. These are skin (touch), ears (hear), mouth (taste), nose (smell), eyes (see), and mind (feel). All these senses barring the mind, are part of our body, whereas the mind is part of our intellect. All external stimuli received by these sensory organs viz; skin, ears, mouth, nose, and eyes ultimately culminate in varying degrees of pleasant or unpleasant sensations. The job of these sensory organs is to carry stimuli received by them to the mind, where the mind processes the stimuli and then categorizes them as pleasant or unpleasant. Before actual processing by the mind, every stimulus is neutral. In the case of the mind, thoughts that come into our head create emotions of being pleasant or unpleasant.

As per Buddha’s observations, through its experiments, our mind and body are almost inseparable, whereas the mind is the one that is more powerful and complex than any other organ. Modern Psychology categorizes the mind as conscious and subconscious minds. But the subconscious part of the mind is not subconscious; in reality, it is very conscious, and the surface mind, which was called partita citta (limited mind) in the language of ancient India, is a very small part of the mind. For the untrained, untamed mind, there is a thick wall between your conscious and subconscious mind. By practicing Anapana I was trying to break this thick wall and attempted to reach the subconscious part of the mind. Thus, it reacted fiercely and made me feel unbearable pain in the back, legs, and neck. There is no denying that the pain was also muscular, but the major contributor was pain inflicted by the mind on the body. When I just observed pain from neutrality, it lost all its power and it vanished. When I started loving this state of no pain, I developed a craving for it and as a result, my lost neutrality, equanimity, and pain stuck back vociferously.

Both mind and body are inseparable. Pleasant/unpleasant sensations caused in the body can be reflected in the mind and pleasant/unpleasant feelings in the mind can be reflected in the body. The body you are bearing right now is maybe 30 or 60 or 90 years old, depending on your date of birth. But the actual DNA you are carrying has been passed on to us for millions of years onto you; right from the day, a one-cell organism was created. Yes, it is a fact that it has mutated several times throughout the journey. If you divide humans' evolution from single-cell organisms to the date on a scale of 1 to 10, the small fraction in the last 10th part would be the history of human civilization. The majority of the time we spend in the jungle. And to survive in that environment, our minds evolved drastically, giving us an arsenal of emotions that we are carrying now, required then for our survival. The aim was to protect us from danger and maximize our chances of survival. Since the onset of human civilization, some of the emotions we possess are not abundantly required now. Thus, we have to make special efforts to downplay emotions that occur naturally to us and to maximize our chances of making rational decisions in life that do not occur naturally to us.

Vipassana provides us with a tool through which we learn not to react to anything that the mind or body has to offer and observe it from a neutral perspective, thus giving us ample time to filter the feelings first before reacting.

Whenever we react to stimuli (unpleasant/aversion or pleasant/craving) to anything and start reacting to it, we tend to move away from actual reality. Our mind takes over our brain; we can’t see things as they are. We arrive at the wrong conclusions. Whenever our sensory organs or thoughts provide stimuli to our mind, it is bound to react just like any other sensory organ and the result will be either aversion or craving. The whole idea is not to make us unemotional robots, but to make us aware that everything is impermanence and that we should strive to be equanimous and use emotions intelligently.

Awareness and Equanimity are the foundations of the Vipassana technique. Awareness of the sensations that arise within our body and mind and not reacting to any emotions and observing them from neutrality with equanimity towards both of them, is the key to success in Vipassana.

Equanimity is not reacting to the feeling of craving and aversion. While meditating, one gets pleasant or unpleasant sensations in the body, and our job is to observe these sensations with equanimity. No sensation remains permanently; they come and go. One can never say when they will come and go, but we can prepare ourselves by not reacting to them and observing them as it is while they come and pass by.

The causes of sensations are beyond our scope; it is sufficient to understand that every sensation is an indication of internal change. The change may be mental or physical; mind and body function interdependently and often cannot be differentiated. Whatever occurs at one level is likely to be reflected at the other.

Now moving on to the third part, where we discuss similarities between investing and Vipassana. I highly recommend Vipassana to everyone, especially those who are related to investing or research.

There are awe-striking similarities and invaluable lessons from what Buddha said 2500 years ago and investing. My image of Buddha now is less of God and more of Master class Psychologist, scientist, and researcher. Buddha was able to completely break all the shackles and managed to reach the innermost core of Chitta (subconscious mind) thus gaining complete control over his mind and body.

In markets, there are predominantly two feelings, i.e. of greed and fear. It is out of the scope of our comprehension when they would occur; but we can say one thing with confidence, that neither of them is going to be permanent. They would come and they would pass by. My job is to observe them with equanimity, without reacting to either of them with inaction. When I started observing body pain from neutrality, it couldn't overpower my mind, and the moment I reacted to it, it overpowered me. In investing, the pain inflicted by the bleeding portfolio is 10 times more than the physical pain I went through, thus making us make nonsensical, irrational decisions. When we stop reacting and start observing from neutrality, we start getting insight into things. We come closer to reality. We start seeing things as they are. Rationality prevails in our judgments. The process becomes egoless. One starts seeing oneself with diminishing value. Ego shatters.

Goutam Siddhartha says it is not his monopoly to reach a stage of Buddha. Everybody can reach it with persistence practice, patience, and courage. To help us achieve it and to lead a happy fulfilling life he preached three things viz. Sila (Morality), Samādhi (Concentration)/ Anapana meditation, Paññā (Wisdom) all his life. All three compliment and helps each other. Anybody who masters these three would reach enlightenment. There are three kinds of Paññā (Wisdom). The first, suta-maya Paññā, is the wisdom gained by hearing or reading the words of others. The second, cinta-maya Paññā, is intellectual wisdom: to test with one’s reasoning and analyze faculty whether the received wisdom is rational and logical. Bhavana-maya Paññā, the third kind of wisdom, is experiential wisdom. It is wisdom manifested within ourselves, based on our own experience of our body sensations. This wisdom is based on direct experience and therefore is truly beneficial.

In investing parlance, we can say no matter how many books you have read on Warren Buffet or Charlie Munger, or any other investor, the path shown to us by those individuals is unique to them. Reading books on investing or following somebody would only reach us to an intellectual level, mere intellectual entertainment. One may mistakenly feel this repertoire of an intellectual level you possess with wisdom. But it’s not. Since you haven’t experienced it. Actual success will only come through your own experience. The knowledge you have collected only gives you a superficial understanding of what wisdom looks like. Just like the story of seven blind men and an elephant. Depending upon which body part of the elephant each touches, you create a perception of how the elephant looks far away from reality. Unless your own experience, wisdom is an elusive concept.

Your Wisdom is only complete to its core only and only if you experience it in your Demat account. And once you achieve it you would have a different understanding of Wisdom that is true, unique, and complete to you. Keep learning, keep experimenting you will find your niche that will be so unique and completely in synch with your (intellect) mind and body. And getting those experiences is impossible without Chitta (mind) and sharir (body) being in line with each other. This amalgamation of mind and body will bring in action which will lead to success and thus gives you your own experience completing your Pragya (Wisdom). Only when you look for answers within do you would find one. All answers and ways to success lie within and all our lives we keep looking outside all our lives. The body is just a medium that does and feels what it is asked as per the instructions given by your mind. There is nothing impossible for a concentrated mind.